Sitting on a rock alone in the mountains one day, I decided to give myself an Indian name. In a cross-legged position up on a desert peak, truly in the middle of nowhere, it seemed appropriate. The name immediately came to me: Running Spirit.
I began to analyze this. When I was younger, I was the Free Spirit. Then around age 21, I became a Lost Spirit. I scanned through the various spiritual chapters of my life: Sexually Awakened Spirit. Married Spirit. Maternal Spirit. Divorced Spirit. And now this.
I wondered why I felt connected to this name at that moment? Thinking of the Struggling Spirit I had become over the last several years, the rapid changes and turbulence I had experienced, and how I had come face to face with my demons. Demons that at times seemed overwhelming. I learned so much about self lately and made progress cultivating wisdom and acceptance. Then the struggle returned. I could not help thinking about how much more there was to harness.
I recently moved to a new place. “Watching myself” encounter new people and new situations, I felt at times that I did not always handle things the way I would have liked to. That was when old insecurities would rear their head. Patterns and fears I thought I had conquered would reappear, unexpectedly. During these times I would retreat, falling back on old habits of defending myself and pushing others away. As I sat thinking about some of these times, the “running” part of Running Spirit made sense. I thought of the transformations I’d also made lately, and how strong I had become.
I rose from my rock, gazing at the amazing landscape all around me, and resolved to change this self-appointed name, Running Spirit, to Welcome Home Spirit. With some luck and hard work, it could happen sooner than I think.
“Be gentle with yourself, you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.” Max Ehrmann
From the Mountains to the Moon
My year of travel to Palm Springs to Palm Beach. The places sound similar, but are worlds apart, the common denominator being the palm trees. The austerity of the mountain range brought deep, inner knowing and contemplation. God only knows what the construction cranes and golf courses will bring.
What to keep during a move? What to give away? Oh, the metaphors! It is like ravaging through the psyche, letting go can be so difficult. The journey continues….
Dale Sparage Photography, 2011
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